Getting a Spiritual Director

It's been said that you don't know what you have until it's gone. When I was in Moses Lake, I had quite a few men whom I trusted to speak into different areas of my life: Doug, Len, Mark B., etc. Since I've moved to Lolo, the depth of relationship with men like that has been severely lacking. I've known something was missing in that realm, but I wasn't sure what, and the culture of this church isn't encouraging for mentoring or a spiritual director, or looking for one for a variety of reasons. As I've reread Eugene Peterson's book, I've realized that this has been the issue: I've needed men whom I can trust - whose theology and philosophy I trust, or who at least respect mine - to speak into my life, and who will pursue me to do so. Yet there's been a hesitancy because the culture here is that men are more loners, and don't need that type of thing. Pastor Jeff certainly doesn't have it, nor do any of the other pastors in the RMBM, or they don't seem to. The church board isn't interested in being that for their pastors, though some certainly seem to enjoy being the boss of their pastors. So, over the years, I think there's been this nagging battle in the back of my mind: I think I need this, but I feel guilty and scared to ask for it. I just finished reading Peterson's chapters on spiritual direction in his book, "Working the Angles," and I am more convinced then ever that we as people, as men, and as pastors need a mentor, older friend, spiritual director or guide - whatever one wants to call it - for our own spiritual health and vitality. We need people in our lives who will challenge, encourage, question, prod, etc. so that we don't grow stale, weak, lukewarm, or stagnant in our walk with Jesus. As Shari and I pursue a new ministry location, my passion for finding these men in our new location is rekindled, and I look forward to seeing what God does through whoever these people will be in our lives - for Shari and myself.

Here are some quotes from Peterson's chapter on "Getting a Spiritual Director."

"If those entrusted with the care of the body cannot be trusted to look after their own bodies, far less can those entrusted with the care of souls look after their own souls..."

Here's an analogy Peterson uses that I thought was excellent. It's rather long, but I felt the need to put the whole thing in.

"Most experienced climbers, faced with a high and difficult mountain, rope themselves together for their ascent. There is a skilled lead climber; if someone falls there is a linked safety system. But some climbers set out on their own. They bushwhack through the underbrush, laboriously figure out each difficulty on the mountain with guidebook, map, compass, and a lot of trial and error. These climbers also gain the summit, but the accidents and fatalities among them are far more frequent. On the lower slopes of the mountain, it never occurred to me to have a guide. But about halfway up the mountain, alarmed at how many maimed and dead bodies of pastor I was seeing, I became frightened. Aware of the danger of the enterprise and my own ignorance of the mountain, I decided that I must have a skilled guide, a spiritual director."

I wonder how many pastors who don't have a guide, but are still in the ministry after 10, 20, or 30 years, are still climbing the mountain, but with broken limbs, or internal bleeding from being wounded, and don't even realize it because they don't have somebody to tell them how they're hurt, and to offer the first aid care needed to bring healing? I suspect they're able to do their jobs - visit the sick, marry and bury, preach a decent sermon - but the vitality of pastoring people out of a healthy relationship with God is missing, or severely diminished. I am quite sure there are pastors who've made the climb and are healthy, but I suspect they're a lot fewer than we think, and most of them realize the need for a guide (and to be a guide) because they've seen the pitfalls that almost got them. I look forward to finding and connecting with more of those men in the future.

Day with the boys

Saturday was an amazing day with my three oldest. We were up relatively early for a Saturday to meet some friends at 9:00. From his house, we went back to Kootenai Creek (see last week's post), but hiked less than a mile this time. By 10:30 we were roped in and ready to go rock climbing. It was an amazing thrill to watch Matthew, then Mark, then Michael each rope in and experience real rock climbing for the first time, and to see their different reactions to different parts of it. They were all scared, but each was willing to take different coaching, and try different things, or not try. The climb was about a 5.3, so it had plenty of holds, and each of them made it to the top of the first climb. Lowering them down was a bit more of an adventure for them. Matthew practically climbed back down, not really wanting to trust the rope. Mark sort of did half and half, while Michael was actually lowered, and had moments when he actually got it. Matthew and Michael did the climb twice. I think they both wanted to actually master the thing rather than just feel like they'd just completed the exercise. After that climb, we went to another one that wasn't so much a climb as it was a very high swing. The goal was to climb as high as you could, then let go and swing out over the creek raging a good 100+ feet below. Matthew went first, and ended up not wanting to swing. Unfortunately he slipped, so he ended up swinging anyway. I'm not going to say he enjoyed it, but I think he enjoyed being able to say he'd done it. Mark refused to swing, didn't climb very high either. Michael swallowed his fear and tried it, and I think it was his favorite part of the day. As for me, those who know me know my fear of heights is pretty strong, but I was able to set the example (albeit, after they'd gone) and actually lower myself off the first climb w/o holding the rope, and swing over the creek... though I had a death grip on the rope for that one. It's amazing how unrational our fears can be over reality. Anyway, as we walked back down the trail, each of the boys were able to talk about their favorite parts, and they all had a great time.

That evening, Michael played his final ball game of the season, losing 16-6. It's like his team didn't fully show up, moving lethargically and making sloppy throws. Michael played center and third base, and did well, only making one error. He was 1 for 3 at the plate, but that one was a beauty. It sailed out into right field, landing just inside the foul line, and only about 15 feet away from the fence. He made it to third, and got an RBI in the process. While we're glad the season's over, it was also a sad ending to a difficult season. It was sad, too, because it was another closure for us, another milestone in our leaving process, an activity that had helped to keep Michael focused on still being here than the future of leaving all his good friends.

I want to end this post on an up note, though. Yesterday was amazing for the time I got to spend with the boys. It's been a long time since I was able to spend that kind of time with any of the boys just playing like that. It was a wonderful time, and I look forward to more of those this summer in between pursuing the right location for where God's calling us to minister.

Spiritual Direction

I continue to read Eugene Peterson's book, "Working the Angles." I have read about the first two angles: prayer and scripture. These are very important angles, and ones that I read about and was convicted of ways that I need to think about and work on. However, of all the angles, I think the third is the most important, not only because it is, I think, the most neglected and needed by and for pastors, but because it can help us (and help us help others) pursue the other two. Here are some thoughts from Pastor Peterson on the topic of Spiritual Direction.

"Spiritual direction takes place when two people agree to give their full attention to what God is doing in one (or both) of their lives and seek to respond in faith."

"Ironically, this is the work that many people assume that pastors do all the time: teaching people to pray, helping parishioners discern the presence of grace in events and feelings, affirming the presence of God at the very heart of life, sharing a search for light through a dark passage in the pilgrimage, guiding the formation of a self-understanding that is Biblically spiritual instead of merely psychological or sociological."

The last two Sundays, I have preached at our church. This, coinciding with my approaching resignation from the church, has prompted many to voice what, apparently, people have been saying amongst themselves for some time: "Paul, you would make a great senior pastor." I'm flattered and encouraged that God has been using my preaching to challenge, encourage, help, and maybe even convict people. However, I see a tremendous danger that doesn't seem to bother anybody. There seems to be the assumption that my ability to preach a good sermon, or even (to make it spiritual) my ability to hear God's voice and communicate to people through a sermon what God has told me they need to hear (though it's not really my ability at all, but that's another issue entirely) makes me a candidate for being a good senior pastor. It's like it's the primary criteria, or something of that nature.


I'm not downplaying sermons to the place of being completely peripheral. God has used sermons to impact people in a variety of ways, and I've been impacted by things pastors/speakers have said from the pulpit. They are important. However, the reality is that anybody can put together a good sermon if they have the skills and research time and ability. I'm in the middle of reading, "The Almost True Story of Ryan Fisher," where the author makes this point quite convincingly. Pastor Peterson makes the point, and I agree with him, that the part of the pastor's job that is much more important than preaching (besides the other two angles) is spiritual direction - those times, often informal, though they can be formalized, when we speak into people's lives on an individual basis.

Thursday afternoon I met with a student I've been mentoring for the past two years. As I talked with him, I realized again how much he's grown in his faith. He made observations, and we talked about his plans, that showed me how God is transforming him. This transformation has occurred because we have walked together, not because of all the sermons he's heard me give in youth group. It's because we've talked about the dailiness of life, and where God is in that dailiness.

Pastor Peterson talks about a pastor who feels the most like a pastor when he's at a diner talking with one of the waitresses about spiritual things. Why doesn't he do stuff like that more? Because he's not getting paid for that. Where have I felt the most like I'm pastoring? When I'm developing relationships with kids on the track team I'm helping to coach, and one of them opens up to me about something going on at home. When a staff person with the Boys and Girls club that meets at our church shares about the violent loss of a family member, and I get the opportunity to pray with her. When I'm sitting with a teenager over ice cream and I get the opportunity to tell them about the leadership gifts I see in them, then challenge them to step up and take a swing at being more purposeful about leading people by example. When the owner of the local coffee shop I've been frequenting shares how she's thinking about coming to church, and I get a chance to talk with her a little about church, life, and the struggles of running a business. These times are pastoring. These times are the times when I know I'm going about God's work. Formal preaching and teaching are important. As a pastor, we must to the administrative stuff. But Spiritual Direction is the place where I think more pastors need to find ways... purposefully make ways... aggressively make ways to spend more time in so that we can pour into people's lives and actually help them grow.

Another step towards old age

School is over, for both the public school kids and our home schoolers. Last Saturday we celebrated Heidi's graduation. Last Tuesday night, we attended Lolo Middle School's Eighth Grade Recognition and saw about 75% of our jr. high ministry become high schoolers. However, Shari hit me upside the head last Thursday night. We were watching Michael play during his baseball tournament. He did amazing, not committing one error, and getting to play both third and first base. He popped out, hit a line drive single, and got hit by a pitch. Unfortunately, the other team was just slightly better at defense than they were, and won, with a score of something like 9-5. The game was actually closer than it looks up until the last (6th) inning. But I digress.

We're watching Michael playing, standing at first base after getting hit. I commented how tall he was looking. I had commented earlier that week at how filled out he was looking, starting to develop some muscle tone. Shari piped up with this wonderful comment, "Do you realize you are now the parent of a jr. higher?" It was at that moment that I realized that I am indeed the parent of the type of kid I've been ministering to for 16+ years... well, of the age of kid, anyway. I am now a parent like I've been caring for and have always endeavored to help, knowing that all parents of teenagers need help and somebody to speak into their blind spots. AAARRGGGHH! I'm becoming my father...

Not that that's a bad thing, dad. :)

Aaarrrgggh!

We planned on spending yesterday doing some packing and bringing things down from the garage rafters. Instead I spent practically the whole day running around town looking for a small piece of metal that I would have thought would be in any hardware or building store. That's why I didn't call anyplace first. I thought it would be an easy pick-up. It wasn't. I left at 11:00. I returned around 5:00. It wasn't totally wasted. I picked up a couple anniversary gifts for Shari. I'm excited about the articles, the quality, and the great prices I got them for. Both articles are worth almost $50, and I got them both for $43.00. I also ran some other errands, but generally spent my time trying to find this stupid part. The one redeeming aspect of the day was that I spent that whole time with Benjamin, which was great. He was a real trooper, having a great attitude the whole time. He did eventually fall asleep on the way home. We were able to go to DQ together, though, so that made it all good to him. I did - eventually - order the part. I only hope it's the right one now. Hopefully I'll get some of that stuff done this morning before I head to work that I wanted to get done yesterday.